"Be A Father"

I was challenged recently by a discussion that I had with my daughter. Of course, she is only six, but I came away from our talk feeling somewhat inadequate and unsure. Our discussion centered around the topic of responsibilities, more specifically, what her responsibilities are. You know for a six-year-old, her list of responsibilities is relatively simple; clean up after your self, pay attention in school, be a good friend and neighbor, don’t be mean with your brother—simple reminders of her role and accountability. However, for me the list got really, really complicated. It was complicated, because my wife asked me what I thought my responsibilities were. Instead of giving her a simplistic, “what she wants to hear response,” for the first time I realized and could tangibly account for what I missed from my own father.

It was complicated, because not only had my father never spoke to me in those terms — it was complicated because I have never had anyone speak to me in those terms. No one purposely taught me about my responsibilities as a man or my responsibilities within the different roles I would play in life. What is even more distressing to me is that I have been in the presence of some of the most learned people, dynamic preachers, and leaders, but none of them spoke to me specifically to or specifically about my role and responsibilities as a MAN.

My mother is very loving. She worked a full time job, got her degree, and raised two kids without a husband. She is beyond giving and has never hesitated to give of her last. My grandfather, my mother’s father, schooled me about working; Lord knows he did that all his life. I have had teachers to train me how to produce academic and artistic excellence. We have all heard sermons about how to ‘walk in our destiny’ but no one has taken the role that my father vacated. It has turned out to be a hole that I have spent a lifetime working to overcome and to fill.

Even with my own children, it was very hard to muster the courage to have them. Even though there was no question in the mind of my wife on if --and when-- the children would come, I had real trepidation. Did I really have what it takes to be a good father? Could I provide for my family? It was not until I received spiritual confirmation and a word from the Lord to calm my fears and answer my questions, that we were able to conceive and receive our inheritance. God himself has filled in the hole, the missing piece in me to be a father for both my biological children and my spiritual ones as well. There comes a time that all men must make the decision to stop looking for their fathers, while stuck in a developmental holding pattern, and be a father.

Dr. Dan Shaffer writes about fatherhood (both natural and spiritual) on his website BuildingBrothers.com, “What is a father responsible to provide for his Children? I believe spiritual, as well as biological, fathers are to provide four things for their children:

1. Protection: Just as my children needed different levels of protection to grow at different levels of maturity, so it is in the spiritual realm. Protection is not control. It is using our influence to provide a safe enough place for our spiritual children to learn and grow.
2. Provision: Just as my biological children required varying levels of provision through out their lives so my spiritual children need varying amounts and different spiritual resources as they mature. As a father, I am to watch, pray, and provide them with the appropriate tools to mature.
3. Correction: Children find security when there are expressed limits that demonstrate love and a communicated commitment of encouragement for their own good and positive growth.
4. Affirmation: One of the most damaging elements in any ones life is to not be affirmed as a person. This lack of affirmation limits our growth, and determines that we will live out of our insecurities rather than a deep sense of personal value. This value flows forth because we are children of God and we find confidence in this truth.”

Our children, both spiritual and natural, need fathers. We need fathers that can live up to their God given responsibilities to protect, provide, correct, and affirm generations of children who are influenced and inundated by life without God. Spiritual maturity is the result of obedience to God and not a process of time. We do not have to wait to become mature men, and father’s to our children--we must simply decide.